


Touched (for the very first time)

by FatyGSquare



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, ExperiencedYuzu, First Time, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Not Beta Read, VirginJavi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-26 09:02:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30103557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatyGSquare/pseuds/FatyGSquare
Summary: Despite what most of the world seems to think, at age 21, Javier Fernandez is a virgin.Not for long, though...
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 3
Kudos: 26





	Touched (for the very first time)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kabigon](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kabigon/gifts).



> Hello hello hello! New fic! This one is for kabigon because this was her idea, I just took it and turned it into word vomit!
> 
> As always, English is not my first language, all mistake are mine.
> 
> Title taken from Madonna's "Like A Virgin"
> 
> Enjoy!

"He has that look again" Nam says, and Javi turns to him with a piece of bread still in his mouth. "Yuzuru. He has that look again."

"What look?" Javi asks, mouth full and his mother would scold him if she could see him right now.

"That weird look he throws your way sometimes." Nam shrugs and steals a tomato from Javi's lunchbox.

"Leave my tomatoes alone!" Javi screams and Nam laughs before running away from Javi's bread projectile that impacts on Brian's head. Because of course it does.

Javi gulps, smiling sheepishly when Brian turns to look at him, brow raised to his receding hairline. He shakes his head before turning again and resuming his conversation with Tracy. Javi lets out a sigh of relief, finishing his bread and stuffing his mouth full of cherry tomatoes before Nam returns and decides to steal the rest.

" _Risu_." Yuzuru says and Javi looks up at him, blinking once, twice and tilting his head. "You _risu_."

Javi has no idea what Yuzuru is talking about, but he still examines his face, trying to find that look Nam was talking about. He doesn't see anything out of the ordinary. Just Yuzuru's neutral politeness all over his face. Like every other time they have interacted since the Japanese arrived back in April.

Yuzuru catches him staring and raises a brow ever so lightly, the right corner of his lip raising just a little bit and he's smirking.

"See anything you like?" Yuzuru says and he chuckles before waving his hand and walking to the changing room.

If Javi is blushing bright red to the tips of his ears when Nam returns, he comments on it. Of course he does, it's Nam we're talking about.

For the next few days, Javi cannot take Nam's words out of his head and he does a lot more staring than he's ready to admit. Not that Yuzuru complains. Every time he is caught staring, Yuzuru either smirks or winks, or both. And Javi flushes before tripping to continue doing whatever he was doing- or supposed to be doing. But no matter how much he stares, he doesn't seem to catch that look Nam was talking about. Or that's what Nam says.

It takes a few weeks - and more than a few scoldings about being distracted - before Javi finally sees that look on Yuzuru's face. Not that it helps quench his curiosity. If anything, he's more intrigued that before.

Why is Yuzuru looking at him that way?

What does it mean?

And why the hell does he feel heat pooling in his belly when he sees that look?

It takes him longer than expected to figure out that the heat pooling in his belly is followed by a twitch of his nether regions and, after coming to that realization one afternoon in the locker room, he cannot look Yuzuru in the eye.

He is no stranger to feeling attracted to others, both male and female, and he still vividly remembers telling his family about it. He was nineteen, it was a mildly cold afternoon in late March and he had just returned home after leaving Morozov for good. He had debated talking about his full experience with his family and about things a bit more difficult than the anxiety and depression. When his mother and sister returned from the market, he finally made up his mind. After dinner, he asked everyone to sit on the sofa, he had something important to tell them. he started talking about his time with his former coach, and how he really was at the moment. Then, speaking faster than he ever had, he blurted out what he had discovered in Russia late one night. He was just as attracted to women as he was to men. With tears running down his face and ugly sobs, he accepted his family's hugs and kind words, telling him he was still Javi and nothing had changed, and thanking him for his trust in them.

But even though he has had a few relationships - two - none of them made him feel the way Yuzuru does. Objectively speaking, Yuzuru is a good-looking seventeen year old. Tall, lean, crazy proportions that seem impossible. And a nice looking face. In Javi's eyes though, Yuzuru looks like a model straight out of a runway or the cover of a magazine, even after a grueling session when they're all sweating buckets he still looks good.

And so, the attraction doesn't surprise him once he is fully used to it. Which takes months, to be honest. It takes him a whole month away from the Japanese to accept that, yes, he is into Yuzuru and yes, he wants to kiss Yuzuru silly because those pouty lips are calling him.

What is surprising is what happens after they both start training for the upcoming season. It's a few days after they returned and Javi walks in the locker room after a session, minding his own business and thinking of falling face first on his bed as soon as he gets to his apartment. Nothing, literally nothing could have prepared him for walking in on Yuzuru changing out of his ridiculously tight leggings, wearing only a dance belt and suddenly his butt is right there. Out in the open and Javi cannot take his eyes away. Even after Yuzuru turns and catches him.

"Javi?" he asks, waving a hand to snap him out of his daydreaming.

Javi bolts, runs straight to the shower without taking his towel or anything because he cannot believe this is happening. This cannot be happening. He looks down at his groin and bites his lip to keep in the whimper that threatens to spill from them. He gasps, crossing his legs and wishing the ground would swallow him. Now. Right now.

He waits, hidden in one of the showers until he can no longer hear any voices. He touches his face, cupping his cheeks with his hands. They feel hot, which means he is still blushing tomato red and slowly, at snail pace, he dares look down to his groin again. Thankfully, the bulge evident in his pants before is gone and he nearly cries in relief.

He hurriedly leaves the club, mumbling a quiet goodbye to Brian when he sees him in the hall. He keeps his eyes down as he goes out the door and practically jogs to the bus stop. Thankfully, Yuzuru is nowhere in site because of course they take the same bus. Javi flops on the bench, still trying to wrap his head around what just happened. Just thinking about it makes him flush bright red again, and shift uncomfortably where he's sitting. He is no stranger to arousal, after all, he is a healthy twenty-one year old. He has masturbated before -duh- but that is the full extent of his sexual prowess. Only his closest friends know this, but Javi doesn't have any experience. Except a few kisses and a few making out sessions that left him feeling a bit turned on, but that's all. Some may say he is a prude, others have definitely told him he's a scaredy cat, but he has never felt ready to take that step, to be intimate with another person.

Which is why when he's in his apartment, arousal hardening his dick when he thinks about that scene at the changing room, he is a little more than hesitant before he finally gives in and puts his hand in his pants, grabs his dick and gives a few experimental strokes. He usually does this with a video on his laptop screen, noise turned almost all the way down and just focusing on the images but not tonight. Tonight he thinks of his training mate, of his slender body and of that butt that was practically in his face, butt cheeks swallowing the thin strip of fabric of the dance belt he was wearing.

And then his imagination starts running wild.

What would it be like to touch Yuzuru? Would his skin feel as smooth as it looks? Would his hands cover his butt cheeks entirely? What about that narrow waist? Would Yuzuru want to touch him too? And if so, what would Yuzuru do to him?

He will probably never admit it, but he comes harder than he has ever before with the thought of Yuzuru's butt on his groin.

And the awkwardness starts anew. If he thought after walking in on a nearly naked Yuzuru would be awkward, seeing Yuzuru the next day after his little nighttime fun with his hand is worse. He is literally incapable of looking him in the eye without flushing every shade of red known to man, and so he adverts his eyes every time the Japanese looks his way - he still stares when the other is not looking, though.

Another thing he will probably never admit is that he keeps masturbating to thoughts of Yuzuru. Of his body and face, of his flexibility and of course, his ridiculous derriere.

It goes on for a couple of weeks before another set of thoughts sets in his mind. Yuzuru is younger than him, and he should probably be disgusted with himself. He battles with this thoughts and himself all the way up to October.

They and the TCC coaches are in Espoo for Finlandia Trophy. It is the first time they're at this competition and Javi, like usual, finds himself making some jokes with the people around him. All is fine and normal until Brian asks him to go find Yuzuru because he wants to talk them. Javi complains, saying Brian can go himself, but one look from his coach shuts him up and gets him going. The bad thing about being in an arena you've never been to is that you have a hard time finding your way around, and Javi thanks his lucky stars Barona Arena is not the biggest he has ever been to. He checks everywhere. Lounge, green room, the stands, the cafeteria, even outside. And finally comes to the locker room.

To say he is ready to never walk into a locker room without sounding a siren of some kind before ever again would be an understatement. As soon as he opens the door, Javier is greeted by a sight that both shocks him and makes him mad.

There Yuzuru is, with his hands on another man's waist as he literally devours said man's mouth. And Javi stares. That is all he can do because he is rooted in place. He cannot move a muscle, just gape at the scene. He has never seen anyone kiss like that before, not even in his crazy friends back home who seemed to always be sucking someone's mouth. Who knows how long he stares until the other man - who he has never met before - notices his presence and roughly pushes Yuzuru away before bolting, lightly shoving past Javi and out of the locker room.

Yuzuru hums, wipes the spit around his mouth with his sleeve before turning to face Javi fully. He raises a brow, a playful smile on his kiss-swollen lips and tilts his head.

"You should knock next time." Yuzuru says, chuckling at the end. "You never know who could be here or what they could be doing."

"Brian wants to talk to us." Javi says, voice quiet as he fights everything he is feeling at the moment.

Yuzuru looks at him for a few seconds before chuckling and walking past Javi, whispering a soft "are you coming?" as he leaves and Javi follows. If his mind goes to places it should never go to, least of all at a competition, no one needs to know.

He doesn't mention what happened in Finland to anyone, not even his closest friends. He also tries not to think too hard about the feelings that flooded him at that moment. The arousal had unfortunately become a normal part of his life, and he has come to terms with the fact that Yuzuru is apparently more than okay with other men looking at him like Javi does - something he still hopes the Japanese hasn't noticed.

They carry on with their normal routines at training and Javi fortunately never walks in on a half naked Yuzuru again. Things get more and more intense with their training schedule as the season progresses and before Javi really has time to think about it, they're starting their Grand Prix assignments. Yuzuru and Brian head to Kent first, and return with Yuzuru sporting a silver medal he doesn't seem too happy about. Then it is Javi's turn, and Skate Canada must be his lucky competition because he wins his first ISU gold there. He doesn't miss the way Yuzuru ogles his gold medal - he does miss the way Yuzuru ogles his butt, though.

Brian had been over the moon when they had been assigned together to NHK Trophy, mentioning how he was not sure how he would cope with all the traveling had they been assigned different competitions again. Yuzuru, Nam and Javi himself had joked Brian was old. And then promptly ran away when Brian glared at them.

Yuzuru had been oddly quiet about NHK, something Javi couldn't understand. He had recently found out it was to be held close to Yuzuru's hometown, but the Japanese hadn't said anything, giving Javi a tiny smile and nod before walking away when Javi mentioned it to him. Javi shrugged, Yuzuru was a mysterious kid sometimes.

Never mind that Javi wanted to get to know him better.

And so, when Brian tells them there has been some mistake made when booking their rooms and they will have to share, Javi panics. Of course he does. How can he not? He has developed an almost nightly routine of jerking off to increasingly wild thoughts of his training mate and sharing a room with the man might not be the best of ideas. But his complaints fall on deaf ears, as Brian tells him the hotel is fully booked and the room they are sharing is the only one available and they will have to share whether Javier likes it or not. He nods, making his way to the elevator, closely followed by Yuzuru, his mother and someone from Yuzuru's team. They all ride the elevator together, but surprisingly, Mrs. Hanyu hands Yuzuru the keycard and walks away along with his team. Javi tilts his head but doesn't ask, because in the past few months, he has come to understand there are things Yuzuru never talks about. They are about to walk into the room when a voice at the other end of the hallway startles them, and next thing they know Daisuke Takahashi is making his way to them.

Yuzuru bows and Daisuke ruffles his hair like he would to a kid, making Javi smile. "They must be close", he thinks. Daisuke says something in Japanese and gestures to their shared room, to which Yuzuru responds with a scoff and a shake of his head. It makes Daisuke laugh and shake his head too, saying something else and Javi's interest sparks when he hears his name in whatever Daisuke is saying. Yuzuru hisses, pushing Daisuke lightly and it makes the older laugh before he waves goodbye and walks to the elevator.

Javier looks at Yuzuru, questions written all over his face and the younger sighs, opening the door to the room and letting Javi walk in first. Yuzuru walks in after him and closes the door behind himself. He tries to walk further into the room but he can't, because Javi is in the middle of the tiny entrance and he isn't moving.

"Javi?" he asks. "If this is about Daisuke, he was just being an annoying senpai."

"We have a problem." Is all Javi says before taking a step to the side and letting Yuzuru sees what Javi told him is a problem, thought the Spaniard considers it more a catastrophe.

"Well, shit." Yuzuru says and Javi's eyes widen because he has never heard the Japanese swearing before.

Not that he can blame him because there, in the middle of the room, stands a queen size bed. A queen size bed. One bed. Just the one. And Javi wants to throw himself out of the window. Or maybe he could sleep in the arena! Yes! That is an option, right? Even sleeping outside would be better than this. It is bad enough that they have to share a room, but Javi is entirely sure sharing a bed is the worst idea in the history of worst ideas. He is even more surprised - and horrified - when he sees Yuzuru start unpacking all his things and putting them in the half of the room closest to the window. He stops after a few minutes and looks up to find Javi staring at him, gaping like a fish out of water.

"What?" Yuzuru asks, taking a set of training clothes and setting them on the foot of the bed. "There's nothing we can do about it. Unless you want to sleep outside?"

"Yes." Javi blurts before he can think about it and he immediately puts a hand over his mouth.

"Go ahead." Yuzuru says, and Javi's eyes threaten to fall out of their sockets. "I'm just teasing, Javi."

Javi breathes again and gives Yuzuru a tiny smile, following in his example and unpacking his things. This won't be that bad. They've known each other for months and are friendly enough! What's the worst that could happen?

Javi sometimes wants to take his brain out of his skull and kick the damn thing around. What's the worst that could happen, he thought. Well, that would be Javi wide awake at 3 in the morning because Yuzuru is right there, right next to him on the bed and his shirt is riding up. Javi feels the tiniest bit perverted when he keeps stealing glances at Yuzuru's exposed stomach but he can't help it. He has literally dreamed of this man next to him taking off his clothes. And, okay, he's fast asleep but the damn anime shirt he is wearing keeps riding up, further and further until one of his nipples is visible and nope! Javi bolts, runs the whole two meters to the bathroom and slams the door closed with more strength than necessary. He winces afterwards, thinking that he possibly woke the Japanese, but he becomes otherwise preoccupied when his very importune dick twitches in his pants.

This. Is. Not. Happening.

He is not getting hard from just seeing Yuzuru's (involuntarily) naked torso while the other is passed out on the bed, just on the other side of the wall. He tries to will it down, tries to think of the most revolting things he can possibly come up with, but nothing works. All he can focus on is Yuzuru. Yuzuru's chest, Yuzuru's stomach, Yuzuru's butt, Yuzuru's legs, Yuzuru's lips...

Yuzuru, Yuzuru, Yuzuru.

He gives up and puts the hem of his t-shirt in his mouth, biting down hard to keep any sounds from coming when he masturbates to thoughts of his training mate again. While said training mate is in the other room.

He doesn't sleep at all for the next two days and he is visibly angry when he slips off the podium after the free. He tries to smile and tries to joke around but everything that has been happening for the past few months is getting to him and, instead of having to pretend anymore, he decides to go hide in his - their- room.

Which would have been fine, had he not been stopped on his way by none other than Daisuke Takahashi. The Japanese smiles at him as he steps into the elevator, right next to Javier, and smirks when he presses the close-doors button on the the panel when he sees Yuzuru rushing to the elevator. To say Javi is confused would be correct. He has met Takahashi before, but nothing more than polite hellos and goodbyes.

"He hasn't asked you to stay out of the room yet?" Daisuke says in heavily accented English.

"What?" Javi asks, dumbfounded. He didn't know Takahashi speaks fluent English.

"Yuzuru." Daisuke tells him, looking at him with curious eyes before chuckling. "Well, when he does, you can come to my room. 651, just at the end of the hall to the right, ne?"

And that is all the explanation he gets before the elevator bell rings and the doors open, Daisuke walking out first and waving goodbye to him. Javi is starting to think that he isn't in another country but another planet, because this whole NHK Trophy experience has been surreal. He walks in the room and drops his bag, walking to the bed and sitting there. He tries hard not to think about what has happened during his stay here, but he fails. Everything from sharing a room with Yuzuru, not being able to sleep, his growing attraction to Yuzuru, slipping off the podium and Daisuke's words keep ricochetting in his brain and, when Yuzuru walks in close to an hour after Javi, the Spaniard snaps.

"Don't worry, you can have the room to yourself." he says, taking his phone and his wallet and walking out.

Or he tries, because Yuzuru grabs his arm to stop him. For someone so thin, he is deceptively strong and Javi hisses as he tries to break free of the hold.

"I didn't ask you for the room." Yuzuru says, face void of any expression.

"You don't have to." Javi retaliates, finally pulling his arm free. "I'll go stay with Daisuke like he offered."

It is scary, the way Yuzuru's face morphs from void to incredibly angry in the blink of an eye. Javi takes a step back and gulps, because whatever he has said or done has made the Japanese mad. And that is something Javi hasn't seen before.

"I don't know what Daisuke told you but I don't like being judged, Javier." Yuzuru's voice sounds dark and foreign and Javi takes another step back.

"I'm-" he starts and gulps, swallowing around the knot in his throat. "I'm not judging you."

His voice is so quiet he is sure the Japanese can't hear him. But he does, of course he does, and he scoffs, glaring at the Spaniard.

"Sure you're not." the sarcastic tone in his voice cuts Javi deep, because this is not the Yuzuru he has known for months now. "But go ahead and run to Daisuke."

Javi's lip wobbles and he tries, goddamn it he tries to keep it in. But he can't. One tear falls, then another and another and soon he is crying his eyes out. Yuzuru's eyes widen and he stares at him crying and sobbing, which in turn only makes him cry harder. Javi cannot take it anymore and he leaves, opening the door and walking out faster than he thought humanly possible. He runs to the end of the hall, where Daisuke told him his room is. Under any other circumstances, Javi wouldn't let anyone see him like this, but he is confused and hurt and he needs to know. He needs to know why Yuzuru reacted like that, he needs to know why Daisuke said the things he said.

So he knocks on the door - more like pounds his fist on it - until Daisuke opens. The Japanese looks at him, surprised, but steps aside after a couple of seconds to let him in. Lucky Daisuke, Javi thinks, he isn't sharing a room.

"Oh boy..." Daisuke says when Javi is sitting on his bed. "Wow, you have it worse than I thought!"

"What are you talking about?" Javi manages to say through sobs and hiccups and thanks Daisuke when he hands him a glass of water.

"You like Yuzuru." Daisuke says and Javi chokes on his water, which only makes the Japanese chuckle. "Come on, it's not like you are being subtle. You stare at him all the time."

Javi flushes bright red, all the way from his neck to the tips of his ears.

"Before you ask," Daisuke tells him. "Yes, Yuzuru knows."

Javi looks down and shakes his head, another tear running down his face. Could this day get any worse?

"Did he ask you to leave the room?" Daisuke asks and it makes Javi snap again.

"No, I told him he could have the room and that you had invited me to stay here and he got mad." Javi tells him, voice a little louder than he intended.

Daisuke's eyes widen and then he's laughing, which only makes Javi more angry because this isn't fair! He may not be the most experienced when it comes to relationships and sex, but that doesn't mean he doesn't know anything, dammit!

"It's not funny!" Javi screams, wiping the snot that is running down from his nose. "You should have seen his face!"

"I've seen that face before." Daisuke tells him. The Japanese sighs and shakes his head again. "You should probably go back and talk to him."

"I don't want to..." Javi tells him and yes, he is well aware he sounds like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

"You still should." Daisuke tells him. "Yuzuru can be intense at times, but he will listen to you."

Javi looks at him, trying to give Daisuke his best puppy eyes because he really doesn't want to go back to his and Yuzuru's shared room. But it doesn't work. Daisuke smiles and pats his shoulder, guides him to the door and quietly says "good luck" before shutting the door right in Javi's face.

Javi walks slowly to the room and stops before the door, debating whether he should knock, walk in or go somewhere else. Surely, Yuzuru doesn't want to see him right now. Not only did he say something that apparently highly offended the Japanese, but he behaved like a child, burst out crying like a baby and then left without another word.

In the end, the decision is made for him when the door opens and Yuzuru is ready to walk out, almost slamming against Javi before he catches himself. Javi looks at him for a split second, noticing Yuzuru's surprised face before looking down again. He fidgets with his fingers, because that is what he does when he is nervous.

"I was going to look for you." Yuzuru says, voice quiet and calm.

Javi hums and looks at him, giving him the tiniest smile and trying to think about what to say. But Yuzuru beats him to it.

"Can we talk for a minute?" Yuzuru asks and points to the inside of the room with his thumb.

Javi nods and follows Yuzuru inside. He gulps, because he knows where the conversation will end and he has always avoided this type of conversations. Rejection is not something he deals well with, not since Morozov.

"I'm sorry." Yuzuru says when they're both sitting on the bed. "I shouldn't have snapped like that but..."

He sighs, looking down and closing his eyes like he's trying to suppress some memory.

"Daisuke and some of the older men in the Japanese team like to comment about sexual life." Yuzuru tells him, and Javi is more than a bit taken aback. "Most of them think I hook up or sleep with everyone around me, but that's not true. I enjoy sex, sure. Who doesn't?"

"I don't." Javi says, his voice barely audible to himself and he really hopes Yuzuru didn't hear him.

"What?" Yuzuru asks and Javi looks at him with a frantic expression, shaking his hands. Yuzuru just stares at him like he has grown a second head. "Anyway, Daisuke always teases me that whenever I've had to share a room, the other person ends up being thrown out because I've come back with a man."

Yuzuru shrugs and Javi is both dumbfounded and fascinated by the easiness with which Yuzuru talks about his sexual life with him. He knows the Japanese has experience, and he winces when he remembers Finland and what he walked in on. Then his mind provides all the images of him masturbating to thoughts of Yuzuru and he flushes bright red.

"I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." Javi tells him after he calms down a little. "It hasn't been the easiest week for me and I'm sorry I took it out on you."

"Because we had to share a room, right?" Yuzuru asks and Javi bites his lip. "It's okay, Javi. I get it."

"No!" Javi exclaims and stupidly looks around to see if anyone heard him before he remembers they're alone. "It's not-- Well, it is because we are sharing a room but..."

He looks down again, face the color of a tomato and he is thankful Yuzuru doesn't say anything.

"A few months ago," Javi starts and he physically cannot bring himself to talk louder. "I walked in on you changing in the locker room back at Cricket. You were only wearing a dance belt and I..."

He can't go on, no matter how much he wants to. He hides his face in his hands and doesn't move until gentle hands hold his wrists and pry his hands away.

"I remember." Yuzuru says, voice gentle and Javi appreciates it. "You hid in the shower until I left."

"I hid in the shower until everyone left." Javi corrects him. "I was embarrassed."

This is the part where Javi wants to run away again, and hide forever. But he can't.

"Why would you be embarrassed?" Yuzuru asks. "We're all men in that locker room."

"Because of what happened after..." Javi whispers and he can feel his lower lip wobbling. No more crying. He takes a deep breath and lets it out. "You won't get mad?"

He is really scared of this, because what he has going at TCC is good. It is great! His skating is rapidly improving, Brian and Tracy and everyone at the club are great to him and his training mates are also great. He doesn't need nor does he think he can take another environment like the one he had with Morozov.

"I won't. Promise." Yuzuru tells him, a soft smile on his face.

"I got hard." Javi says with the quietest voice. "And it wasn't-- It's happened other times too."

He closes his eyes, refusing to open them and look at Yuzuru until the younger starts laughing. Javi's head snaps up and he looks at the other with frightened eyes, tears pooling in his eyes again. There is a reason why he doesn't talk about relationships and sex, not even with his closest friends. And that main reason is his own embarrassment when he talks about these topics, which usually prompts the reaction Yuzuru is having right now. His friends have laughed at his lack of experience before, and they've laughed at his shyness around the topic. Javi shivers, more tears gathering in his eyes and it is the whimper he lets out that makes the other stop laughing. Finally. Yuzuru looks at him intently, examining his face and his smiles drops when he sees Javi's expression.

"I'm sorry." he quickly says. "I didn't mean to laugh at you! It's just--"

"It's just I'm a prude." Javi tells him, voice hard and more defensive than he intended but this is a touchy subject for him. "Go ahead, say it. It wouldn't be the first time someone calls me that."

"Hey, no." Yuzuru tells him, and he suddenly sounds more serious than he has this entire conversation. "I'm not shaming you, Javi. We all do things at our own pace, but I admit I am surprised."

"Because I don't talk about masturbating to thoughts of my training mate doing things to me?" Javi tells him and immediately regrets.

"I'm flattered." Yuzuru tells him and somehow, Javi knows he means it. "But that's not what I meant. Maybe I was thinking about stereotypes, but I always thought you were experienced."

"Yeah, I've been told." Javi tells him, and it's true. The few friends he has made in the past few years since moving abroad are always surprised to find out. "But I've never been comfortable enough with a person to go any further than a few kisses."

He cannot believe he is in a hotel room, in some city in Japan and talking about his lack of sex with his apparently very experienced training mate. What is the world coming to?

"That's okay, Javi, you do you." Yuzuru tells him with a smile before he bites his lip. "I am curious about something, though."

"Why do I get the feeling I'm about to be more embarrassed than ever before?" Javi says, ending with a chuckle and Yuzuru chuckles as well.

"You said it happened more times..." Yuzuru starts and his eyes have this shine to them as he bites his lower lip before continuing. "How many times?"

Javi is sure his whole face is on fire, he can feel the heat radiating from his cheeks as he battles his thoughts. Should he answer truthfully? Should he just give him a vague answer? In the end, it's Yuzuru who decides for him when he nudges his leg with his knee and he looks really curious.

"Almost everyday after that." Javi whispers and immediately looks down.

God, this is awkward. The silence that follows is the most uncomfortable thing Javi has gone through in a very long time and that's when it starts. Most people wouldn't believe this, but Javi has had self-esteem issues for quite some time now, most of them prompted by the time he spent with his former coach. The silence around them, Yuzuru's lack of response. It all sends Javi into a state of mild panic.

Until he feels a hand gently holding his chin and pushing his head up, making him come face to face with the Japanese. Javi looks at his face for a split second, and looks down again when the intensity of Yuzuru's expression gets too much.

"Hey." Yuzuru whispers and he is close, so close Javi can feel his breath tingling his skin. "Javi, look at me."

Javi does, shyly looking up at Yuzuru. It makes him feel like a teenager again, when he first confessed to that pretty girl in his class and he was so nervous before she agreed to hang out with him.

"Are you attracted to me, Javi?" Yuzuru asks, voice barely a whisper and low, lower than Javi has ever heard it before.

He nods, because his mouth is suddenly dry and he doesn't truly trust himself to say something coherent right now. Not with Yuzuru this close, not with every thought of the man kissing him silly he has had before.

"Good." Yuzuru says, shifting closer to him. "Because I've been trying to get your attention since a week after moving to Toronto."

What?

"What?" Javi asks and snaps his head up so fast his nose painfully bumps with Yuzuru's. "Sorry."

Yuzuru chuckles and rubs his nose, letting go of his chin. Javi looks at him again. This close, Javi can see everything. The slope of his nose, the beauty marks on his cheek. His lips, which are bit chapped, but that's normal. And he licks his lips, eyes glued to Yuzuru's.

"Javi..." Yuzuru whispers before moving closer, closer and closer until Javi can almost feel his lips but they're not touching.

It's Javi who pushes forward and closes the gap. It's nothing heated or rushed, just lips pressed on lips. But it feels good, so good to finally have Yuzuru's lips against his own. A gentle hand goes to his nape and Yuzuru presses a bit more firmly. Javi whines and tilts his head to the side, letting Yuzuru kiss him deeper, letting him control the kiss. He is a little light headed in the best of ways, and maybe it's all these months of wanting and not having or thinking he would ever have; but kissing Yuzuru is so much better than he thought. The kiss grows in intensity, Javi experimentally licking Yuzuru's bottom lip and slowly pushing his tongue in his mouth when the Japanese gasps. He squirms, shifting closer to Yuzuru and holding onto his shoulders, the kiss now frantic and more tongue than anything.

It feels amazing, it is electrifying and Javi doesn't even think about the tent at the front of his pants when he presses even closer to Yuzuru. But Yuzuru seems to mind because immediately after feeling Javi's hard-on, he breaks the kiss.

Javi is still kind of floating, not really sure what is going on, until he feels the younger's hand on his chest, pushing him back a little and there it is.

Javi's biggest fear. It makes everything he was feeling come to a screeching stop and be replaced by absolute loathing, self-loathing. The arousal is gone, replaced by sudden nausea. He's shaking and it must show because Yuzuru looks just as panicked as Javi feels.

"Javi?" Yuzuru asks, reaching for his hand and squeezing. "Javi, are you okay?"

"Fine!" he blurts out, even if he doesn't feel it and he knows it. Yuzuru knows too. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have-- I got carried away-- Sorry..."

"No!" Yuzuru exclaims and Javi actually jumps. "No, it's not that."

"It's okay, Yuzu." Javi says, and swallows the bile rising up his throat.

"No, listen." Yuzuru tells him. "We got carried away, and if it were anyone else, I wouldn't have stopped. Hell, I would've shoved my hand in your pants faster than you can blink."

"But that's not what you want." Javi whispers, nausea still making him feel sick. "I get it."

"Are you kidding me, Javi?" Yuzuru exclaims and, in contrast to his loud voice, his hands are gentle when they cup his cheeks. "I've wanted you for a long time, I told you that."

"Then why?" Javi asks, his voice breaking.

"Because you told me you've never done this before." Yuzuru says, like it is the most obvious thing in the world. "And I want you to be sure before we do anything you could regret in the future."

Ok, that is just unfair. Here Javi is, panicking about being rejected and then bam! Yuzuru tells him that it is okay, that Javi's lack of experience is not bothering him, but rather he is taking it into consideration to make sure Javi is fully aware of where this is leading them.

He gives Yuzuru the tiniest smile, trying to calm his heart that is currently trying to beat its way out of his chest.

"Just to make it very clear," Yuzuru breaks the silence after a while. "I am ridiculously attracted to you and I do want to have sex with you, but only when you are sure you're ready."

Javi nods and smiles, squeezing Yuzuru's hand timidly. They spend the rest of the night on bed, talking about skating and video games, sharing some kisses here and there. And when they wake up the next morning and there's a white stain on Javi's pants, Yuzuru doesn't say anything. Thank god.

It's late, that much he knows. He just doesn't realize how late it actually is until he checks his phone and the 01:00 on the screen has him gasping. That is not good. They have a flight to catch tomorrow! Granted, it isn't ridiculously early in the morning, but it's still a long flight back to Toronto and he would much rather be well rested. He says goodbye to the skaters he was talking to and heads back to his room - wait, their room. Yuzuru had disappeared as soon as he had talked to all the sponsors and media there, and he had joked about how lucky it was for him that both Mao and Daisuke were present, it meant less press for him to deal with.

Javi is a little nervous heading up to the room, because when he and Yuzuru kissed before the gala, Javi had to take a cold shower right before heading out. He doesn't think he has ever felt this much physical attraction to anyone before and he knows what he wants to do.

The big deal is telling Yuzuru.

How do you tell your training mate you're crushing on you want to have sex with him? That you want him to be your first?

He doubts this is something he can just Google.

Not that he has much time to think about it because when he opens the door to the room, Yuzuru grabs his arm and drags him in before slamming the door closed. The Japanese pins him to the wall and kisses him hard, making Javi gasp. Yuzuru devours his mouth and it takes little time for Javi's hands to automatically move to his waist, pressing himself closer to Yuzuru and he can feel just how hard the younger is. Yuzuru breaks the kiss, his hands moving up and down Javi's thighs and it doesn't take long for him to be just as hard as the younger.

"Those shorts..." Yuzuru tells him before kissing and sucking his neck. "Those damn shorts and your damn legs."

"Yuzu..." Javi sighs, ending with a moan when Yuzuru's thigh presses between his legs.

"Javi, look at me." Yuzuru tells him, stopping all movement and taking a step back. "Are you sure?"

Javi looks at him, really looks at him. The blown pupils, the ragged breath, his lips shiny with Javi's spit. He bites his lip and nods once, twice. He is ready. He wants Yuzuru to be his first. He just wants Yuzuru.

"Please." He whispers, unconsciously chasing Yuzuru's mouth.

"Slowly." He tells him, pecking his lips softly and taking another step back. "We have all the time in the world, so slowly."

Javi nods and watches with fascination as Yuzuru's face morphs from gentle and soft to wicked and playful. He brings his fingers to the first button of his shirt and pops it, then the second, then the third and he keeps going all the way down. Javi watches, transfixed as more and more of Yuzuru's skin becomes visible. The white garment falls to the floor, but Yuzuru doesn't stop. He unbuckles his belt, pops the button of his slacks and slowly unzips them. Javi's eyes zero in on his thumbs when they hook to the waist and slowly, teasingly starts pulling them down. Javi's eyes follow, his mouth watering when he sees Yuzu's thick thighs naked again. Gods, it's been so long... 

Then something catches his eye. There is a very obvious bulge in Yuzuru's boxers and, for the first time, Javi realizes this is real and it is happening. He gulps, looking down to the carpeted floor like it is the most interesting thing in the world and Yuzuru notices. Of course he does.

"Javi, should we stop?" He asks and Javi shakes his head softly. "Okay. If you want me to stop, just tell me, okay?"

He nods and timidly looks up to see the younger getting rid of his socks. It's something he hadn't thought about, but now he can't imagine what it would be like to be having sex with someone wearing toe socks. 'Such a mood killer', he thinks.

And that's all he has time to think about the matter because Yuzuru is taking off his boxers and Javi cannot look away when his dick springs free, bobbing softly against the smooth skin of his lower abdomen. He flushes bright red. This is the first time he has seen another man's dick like this and the first thing to cross his mind is how different from his own it looks. Yuzuru's doesn't look as thick as his but it does look longer, the tip flushed a pretty pink and there's the tiniest drop of precum on it. Javi wonders what it would taste like.

The thought is cut short when he realizes it is his turn to loose his clothes and the shyness returns. He has been changing in locker rooms for years, so he shouldn't feel this embarrassed, right?

"Javi." Yuzuru whispers and that's when the Spaniard notices Yuzuru has moved closer.

"I've never--" he starts but he cannot continue, because there is a lump in his throat. He swallows around it and takes a deep breath to ground himself. "I've never been naked like this..."

"Do you want me to help you?" He asks and Javi feels his cheeks actually flame when he nods. "Alright, shirt first."

Yuzuru's fingers are so careful when he starts unbuttoning Javi's shirt and Javi is shaking like a leaf in the wind. The younger takes his time taking off all of his clothes except the underwear and he steps back, biting his lip and nodding for Javi to get rid of the last piece of clothing covering him. He does, slowly, and immediately brings his hands to the front of his body to cover his hard dick. Yuzuru comes closer and holds his wrists, gently prying his hands away before kissing him hard. Javi's hands go to the younger's waist, and he returns the kiss with equal force. It is intoxicating, kissing Yuzuru like this, even if he can taste the faint trace of wasabi.

Then it happens. One of Yuzuru's hands finds its way to his dick and Javi jumps, breaking the kiss and looking down at where Yuzuru is stroking his dick slowly, deliberately. He moans and bites his lip, trying hard to concentrate on anything but what Yuzuru is doing because it feels so good. So damn good to be touched like this by the man he has fantasized about for months and he is dangerously close. He tries to tell him but before he can get any words out, Yuzuru thumbs the tip and Javi is coming, crushing against the Japanese. Yuzuru holds him and Javi wants to cry. That was humiliatingly fast and he pushes Yuzuru away, head hanging low and his lip bitten raw.

"Fuck, that was hot." is what Yuzuru says and Javi whines. How is that hot? "Javi, are you okay?"

"I'm sorry..." he whispers, still looking down.

"Hey, look at me." Yuzuru tells him and Javi lifts his head for a second before looking down again. "Do you want to stop?"

Javi looks at him. He doesn't, he really wants to do this with Yuzuru but, is it even possible anymore? He looks at his dick, flaccid and hanging between his legs, and it makes him want to cry. Because he is pretty sure this isn't normal, to come so fast and what if Yuzuru is disgusted? What if he laughed at him? What if--

"Javi." Yuzuru says, snapping Javi out of his thoughts and back to the here and now. "Watch."

And he does as Yuzuru takes his own dick in his hand and starts stroking slowly, the same way he had touched him a few minutes ago. Tiny moans spill from his lips when his thumb circles the tip over and over, and Javi unconsciously licks his lips. Yuzuru whines and stops and Javi wants to tell him "keep going, don't stop, let me watch please", but the words get stuck in his throat when Yuzuru steps forward, takes Javi's hand and carefully guides it to his dick. It feels heavy and full in his hand, so different from his own but he cannot help himself when he gives it a experimental stroke. Yuzuru sighs and bites his lip, closing his eyes and throwing his head back a little. It makes Javi feel powerful in a way, that he can get this reaction from another person. Suddenly he wants so much more, wants to do so much more to Yuzuru. With Yuzuru.

"Yuzu..." he whispers and gulps before continuing. "Will you sit down?"

Yuzuru chuckles and mumbles something in Japanese, but walks backward to the bed and sits, legs spread obscenely. Javi stares. "That's a hot view" he thinks, and that is also an understatement. He comes closer and goes down on his knees, taking Yuzu's hot erection again and stroking a bit more confidently now. Yuzuru moans, hips bucking up slightly. Javi smirks.

"Can I--" he starts and has to clear his throat before he can continue. "Can I try something?"

"Go ahead." Yuzuru says, a hand caressing his face. "I'll let you know if I'm not comfortable with anything."

Javi is a little jealous that Yuzuru has this confidence, that he can openly tell Javi to do what he wants and he will know if he doesn't like it. Javi guesses that comes with experience, which he of course lacks.

He pushes these thoughts out of his mind and bends forward, stopping when his lips are just millimeters away from Yuzu's dick. He hears a gasp and decides to move before he can second-guess himself. He sticks out his tongue, pushing the tip to the slit in the top of his dick. It tastes funny, and hot and weird but he finds he doesn't mind it. He does it again and then circles his tongue around the tip. A low moan is what he gets and it sets a fire burning in the pit of his stomach. Slowly, he opens his mouth and takes the tip in, sucking softly. Yuzuru moans and buries his hands in his hair. It is new and foreign but Javi wants more of it. He had always been a little more than fascinated with oral sex, seeing those men and women pleasuring each other with their mouths whenever he watches porn is always a big turn on for him. But this, actually doing it and seeing first hand the effect it has on Yuzuru… Well, it is empowering and Javi wants more.

Which is why he tries to take more of Yuzuru’s dick, too much, and ends up choking on it. He pulls away, coughing with tears springing from his eyes. Yuzu’s thumbs wipe them off and he cups his face.

“We can stop if you want, Javi.” He says again.

“I want to try again.” Javi tells him, already moving closer again before Yuzuru stops him and runs a thumbs over his lips.

“Then slowly.” Yuzuru tells him. “Choking can be fun, but only when you know how.”

And there it is again. The remainder that Javi doesn’t know what he is doing. The fire in his stomach cools immediately and Javi moves back and away from Yuzuru. He sits on the floor, looking at his crossed legs. His hands come to cover his groin again.

“Javi?” Yuzuru asks and kneels before him. “Hey, what’s wrong? Talk to me.”

“You keep saying that…” Javi mumbles, taking and deep breath before exhaling and looking Yuzuru dead in the eyes. “I know I’m inexperienced but you don’t have to remind me all the time.”

Yuzuru blinks once, twice then stares at Javi with a dumb expression over his face. It takes him a few seconds to snap out of it and he smiles. Javi sighs again.

“Hey, I’m not trying to shame you or anything.” Yuzuru tells him. “I tried to take more than I could or knew how to take the first time I gave oral to a guy, and my throat was on fire for two days.”

Javi looks at him, expression tentative and a bit guarded. Yuzuru smiles and sits on the floor, nodding and winking before he spreads his legs as far as he can. Javi knows the younger is flexible, he sees it everyday on the ice, but this? Yuzuru’s legs are spread to a split, and Javi drools.

“Go ahead, I’m not stopping you.” Yuzuru whispers. “But please be careful, I don’t want you to hurt yourself, okay?”

He doesn’t answer, just goes down before Yuzuru and looks up for a split second before taking the tip of his dick in his mouth and sucking. Yuzu moans and Javi hums, taking a bit more and using his hand to stroke what he can’t fit in his mouth. ‘One day…’, he thinks. One day he will be able to deep throat Yuzu and have him coming down his throat like he has imagined so many nights alone in his apartment. Yuzu’s hips buck up and Javi chokes, a gentle hand caressing his hair. He brings his free hand to Yuzu’s thigh and squeezes it. There isn’t much to squeeze though, all he touches is smooth skin and hard muscle and his dick twitches.

“Fuck, don’t you look amazing like this?” Yuzuru whispers, his free hand caressing Javi’s face softly. “You have no idea how many times I’ve thought about this, having you like this.”

Javi moans, because he didn’t expect Yuzuru to say those things. He lets go of his dick with a pop, saliva running down his chin and he wipes it off with his hand. He kneels, his knees touching Yuzu’s thighs as he leans and kisses him, humming into the kiss. Yuzu’s hands sneak to his ass and push him closer, and Javi can feel Yuzu’s leaking dick on his stomach.

“Javi.” Yuzu says after breaking the kiss. “How do you want to do this?”

Javi blinks. He hasn’t really given it much thought and he honestly doesn’t know what he likes best. How could he? He thinks for a couple of minutes, but he cannot bring himself to choose.

“I don’t know…” Javi says, biting his lip. “What do you like best?”

“I like it both ways.” He tells him and Javi sighs. He was really hoping Yuzu would make this easier. “So I really don’t mind either.”

“Does it--” Javi starts, gulping before he can continue in a quiet voice. “Does it hurt?”

“You mean bottoming?” Yuzu asks and Javi nods. “It does at first. But it gets better and it feels amazing.”

Javi looks at him, straight in the eye, and images start floating in his mind about Yuzuru on top of him, balls deep, sweaty… He moans and bites his lip, closing his eyes.

“I want you to do it.” He says, hoping Yuzu gets the meaning because he is not sure he can say the words out loud.

“You want me to fuck you?” Yuzuru asks and once again, Javi is taken aback by his boldness. “With pleasure.”

He doesn’t say anything else, instead he pushes Javi on his back, gets on top and kisses him hard. Javi is dizzy in the best of ways, his head spinning, blood pulsing in his veins and his dick twitching as it starts hardening again. He doesn’t know how long they kiss, but it feels like it will never be enough. How can kissing someone feel this good? But Yuzu stops and Javi whines, only to gasp as the younger starts kissing his jaw, his neck, collarbones, down to his chest where he bites and sucks his nipples. Javi squirms and Yuzu chuckles, nipping a nipple before letting it go and standing up.

“Get on the bed.” He says. “I’m going to get a couple of things we need.”

Javi scrambles to his feet and practically runs to the bed, lying on it. He fidgets with his fingers while he waits. Yuzuru returns not a minute later with a small bottle and a foil packet. He gets on the bed, tossing the things in his hands somewhere on the mattress and immediately starts caressing Javi’s legs. The Spaniard sighs, his eyes closing because this feels good. It feels amazing up until Yuzu takes hold of one leg and puts it on his shoulder.

“Relax, Javi.” He whispers and kisses the protruding ankle bone. “I’ll be really gentle. And if it’s too much, we can stop.”

Javi nods, trying his hardest to relax. Yuzuru kisses his calf and reaches for the bottle of lube, opening it and pouring a generous amount on his fingers. He rubs the gooey substance between them before bringing his index finger to Javi’s hole. He tenses when Yuzu circles his rim with his index, slowly pushing in and Javi groans. It doesn’t hurt, but it feels foreign. Yuzuru kisses his calf again as he pushes the finger all the way in.

“Okay?” he asks.

Javi nods, taking a deep breath and daring to look Yuzuru straight in the eye. He looks so calm, how can he look so calm? Then he smiles and winks and he starts moving his finger. Javi gasps, eyes closing and he lets out a tiny moan when Yuzu speeds up. He doesn’t know how long it is before he can feel another finger joining the index and he whimpers. Again, it doesn’t hurt, but the stretch is foreign and he tries his best to relax. Yuzuru kisses his leg again before he starts moving both fingers. In and out, in and out, scissoring them every now and then. Javi moans and Yuzu chuckles.

“There you go.” He says, fingers moving just a tiny bit faster, a tiny bit deeper.

“Yuzuru…” it comes out in a breathy moan and Javi wasn’t expecting that.

“I’ve got you, Javi.” he tells him, smiles and pushes in the third finger.

Ok, now it burns. The stretch is still foreign and now it does hurt, but it’s not unbearable. Nothing the look on Yuzu’s face can’t fix. His eyes don’t leave his, pupils blown, cheeks flushed and he’s panting. Javi looks down and sees Yuzu’s dick, hard and pretty red, with a drop of precum on the tip. He bites his lip again and experimentally rocks his hips. It takes the air out of him, that tiny but intense spark of pleasure that jolts him. Yuzuru smirks, winks and starts moving his fingers again.

Javi is moaning earnestly when the tip of Yuzu’s long fingers brush against a spot he didn’t know existed in his body but he wants more. More of that jolt, more of Yuzu’s fingers, more than Yuzu’s fingers.

“I’ve got you, Javi.” Yuzu repeats, kissing his leg and slowly pulling his fingers out. Javi whines. “I’ve got something else for you. Do you want it?”

Javi nods repeatedly, because if Yuzu’s fingers felt that good, he can’t begin to imagine how good his dick will feel. He hears the foil being ripped, a squirting sound from the bottle of lube and a tiny moan from Yuzu’s mouth. He looks down again, to where Yuzu’s hand is spreading lube over the condom, and sees Yuzu hold the base and take a deep breath. He slowly shuffles closer and Javi’s eyes widen when he feels the tip of his dick brushing against his hole.

“Are you sure?” Yuzu asks, looking at him intently.

“Please.” Javi whispers and closes his eyes.

Pressure is the first thing he feels, followed by pain. It hurts and the more Yuzu pushes, the more he feels the burn. He bites his lip and tries to concentrate on the feeling of Yuzu’s lips on his leg. He doesn’t know how long they stay like that, Javi breathing shallowly and trying to relax while Yuzu is trying hard not to move.

He gives him the tiniest nod and Yuzu moves the tiniest bit, making him whimper. Again, again and again until Javi can feel something other than pain and burning.

Yuzu does something, he doesn’t know what, but he knows it feels good and he wants more of it. So he tells him and Yuzu’s answer is a nip on the skin of his ankle. Javi moans.

“More” he tells him and Yuzu gives it to him.

He starts moving faster, rocking a bit deeper and moaning. It makes Javi feel powerful in a way, that he can feel good and make another man - this man - feel good too. Then Yuzu lets go of his legs and wraps them around his waist, hands by his head as he leans down and starts rocking into him hard. Javi moans loudly, eyes fluttering close again and arms wrapping around Yuzu’s neck, bringing him down for a kiss.

It’s messy after that. Javi’s hips seem to have a mind of their own as they move to meet Yuzu’s thrusts, their moans mixing between kisses. Javi’s legs tighten around Yuzu when he feels it, that heat pooling in his stomach threatening to spill again. He moans in staccato, while Yuzu whispers things he doesn’t quite grasp in his ear. His hands grips Yuzu’s biceps hard, and he is sure there will be marks there tomorrow.

He doesn’t come, but the orgasm that rocks him is just as intense as the one he had before and it makes him sag against the mattress, legs wide spread and head lolling to the side. He barely registers Yuzu pulling out, the sound of him getting rid of the condom. But he squeezes Yuzu’s hand when he holds his, guiding it to his dick and Javi’s fist closes over it instinctually. Yuzuru moans in his ear and comes seconds later, with a groan and a low moan. The younger collapses by his side, breathing hard and chuckling every now and then. Javi wonders what’s so funny, but he doesn’t have the strength to ask. He’s spent, tired and ridiculously satisfied.

It seems hours later when they finally move, and all they do is roll in bed to face each other. Javi makes himself small, feeling maybe more self-conscious than he thought he would. Yuzu puts an arm around his waist and smiles.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, voice quiet.

“Bit sore.” Javi answers. “But really good.”

“Good.” Yuzu says, moving closer. “Tired?”

“Very.” Javi says and yawns. “Will you stay?”

Yuzuru doesn’t answer and for a second, Javi panics. Then he looks at him and sees his eyes closed, expression calm and breathing deeply. Javi smiles and thinks of everything that has happened tonight.

Before he falls completely asleep, in that last second before giving in, he wonders…

Will this happen again?

**Author's Note:**

> Liked it? Hated it? Lemme know in the comments which I love love love!


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